I don't know who is the real me

Often,too often actually, I wonder how should my life be...but nothing comes into my mind. Emptyness.It's how life is like, as far as I'm concerned, for the moment.Why, oh why am I like this, always been and, though, might always be? It's too hard to explain. I'm so disapointed by everything. I feel so weak in front of all the bad things in the world. I feel too far from everything, as if I couldn't reach a thing except from the very top of my fingers... Things...things are dreamlike to me. I want to be part of it, I want to be part of this world, but I can't. I feel I'm going on the wrong direction, but how could I stop? I've always had strange thoughts, but today it's worse. Everything is disconnected, torn into pieces, unclear, foggy. What is that? Am I going mad? Should I be locked in a white room with a white shirt, having to take little red and blue pills? How does it work? Are we bound to some kind of fate or something? Do we born with a fate already defined? Why should I be weak while someone else is going to fight against hunger or deases? Why should I be tortured with thoughs while someone else isn't? Why should I have an unknown work, a life where I can't do what I dreamed of, a life I don't want of? While someone else would have realised his oldest dream... I wish I am the one who realises her dream, who act instead of thinking... I wonder, how is it like, this kind of life? I still think everybody should be able to realise its old dreams... The little girl who wanted to be a doctor...the little girl who dreamed to become a famous scientist...the one who desired more than everthing else to be truely loved...and the one who wanted to free the Earth of all the evil and horror... Do change can really happen? Would life go better soon? I hope so...